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Category Archives: Alexander Voulgaris

Α, δεν σας είναι γνωστή αυτή η ιστορία με τον Αλέξανδρο; Είχα τσατιστεί τότε με τις μαλακίες του (“BDSM is best without the safeword”, “Ο Woody Allen γαμάει, ρώτα την κόρη του”) και για να ξεσπάσω έγραψα μια σειρά από ιστοριούλες τρόμου, όπου
εγώ ειμουν ο κυρίως χαρακτήρας και ο Άλεξ ήταν ο αντίπαλος. Υπήρξε και ένα τερατάκι, το Γρύλισμα, που ήταν βασισμένο σε ένα κείμενο που είχε γράψει τότε ο Άλεξ για την σεξομανία του. Μου άρεσαν πολύ αυτές οι ιστοριούλες γιατί ήταν εντελώς αλλόκοτες και γραμένες με έναν stream of consciousness/ecriture automatique τρόπο μου φαντάζομαι πως είναι παρόμοιος με τον τρόπο που γράφει ο Άλεξ τους στοίχους του. Δεν είχα ξαναγράψει κάτι με αυτόν τον τρόπο και ήταν πολύ διασκεδαστικό και απελευθερωτικό, όλο γελούσα με τις ανοησίες που ξερνούσα από το υποσυνείδητο μου. Η ιστορίες ήταν γραμμένες στα Ελληνικά και Αγγλικά ανακατωτά, και βασικά σατίριζα αυτά που λέει και τραγουδάει ο ίδιος.

Αυτές τις ιστορίες της βρήκε και της διάβασε όμως η Ιωάννα, η τρελόκομουνίστρια μάνα του Άλεξ, και πείρε τηλέφωνο το φεστιβάλ της Δράμας, όπου θα έκανα τότε εθελοντική δουλειά, και έκλαιγε στο τηλέφωνο ισχυρίζοντας πως δήθεν απηλούσα τον Άλεξ και θα πηγενα στην Αθήνα να τον σφάξω και αλλά παράλογα παρανοϊκά. Στο τέλος με έδιωξαν από το φεστιβάλ πριν μπορέσω να δουλέψω και ξαναγύρισα στο Άμστερνταμ για να κάνω εκεί εθελοντική δουλειά. Μου έκανε πολύ μεγάλη εντύπωση το πόσο παρανοϊκή είναι η μαμά του Άλεξ, βλέπει φαντάσματα και ανυπαρκτες απειλές παντού. Πρέπει να έχει φοβερό complex PTSD. Το ξέρω πως λέει στις ομιλίες της πως ήταν χαπακωμένη για χρόνια, αλλά δεν νομίζω πως ξεπέρασε το PTSD της με αυτήν την φαρμακευτική αγωγή. Αλλιώς δεν θα μου φερνόταν έτσι προσπαθώντας να μου κάνει σαμποτάζ μόνο και μόνο γιατί έγραψα σάτιρα.

Την πρώτη ιστορία που είχα γράψει την διάβασε ο φίλος του Άλεξ, ο Φελιζόλ, και όταν πήγε να οργανώσει ένα event στην Στέγη το έκανε pyjama party γιατί αυτός ήταν ο τίτλος της ιστορίας μου, Pedo pyjama party @ E. Benaki boulevard.

You look at your Smartphone and see the following message: “Invite/RSVP-only Pedo πυτζάμα πάρτι @ Alex’s crib on E. Benaki Blvd follow the line stretching around the block lulz XD PS. A.C.A.B.!!!”. You feel so good, you feel like 90 000 bucks tonight. Everybody hollatcha BoyBoy, are we having fun or what people?

https://mariatechnosux.wordpress.com/2014/04/15/%cf%80%cf%85%cf%84%ce%b6%ce%ac%ce%bc%ce%b1-%cf%80%ce%ac%cf%81%cf%84%ce%b9-e-benaki-blvd-short-story/

Από την ιστορία μου την είχε κλέψει την ιδέα για to pyjama party στην Στέγη αλλά δεν νομίζω πως θα το παραδεχτεί ποτέ δημοσίως, όπως και ο Νικολαΐδης δεν παραδέχτηκε ποτέ πως το Morning Patrol ήταν για ένα μέρος κλεμμένο από την Γώγου. Αυτός είναι ο σεξισμός του Ελληνικού σινεμά και γενικότερα του Ελληνικού καλλιτεχνικού χώρου..

14 ΜΑΪ 2016
00:00

Σε διάφορους χώρους της Στέγης
Ένα ολονύχτιο pyjama party με ήχους και ανθρώπους του σήμερα που ξεκινά τα μεσάνυχτα του Σαββάτου.

http://www.sgt.gr/gre/SPG1560/

TheBoyFelizolRNBDJSetThessalonikiFilmFestivalDoubleDoseOFCrap

Θέλετε να κοιμηθείτε ένα βράδυ στην Κεντρική Σκηνή της Στέγης;

Να χορέψετε σε ολονύχτιο pyjama party;

Η Στέγη του Ιδρύματος Ωνάση θέλοντας να επικεντρωθεί στο λιγότερο εξερευνημένο τμήμα της ζωής και του φαντασιακού μας, στο τμήμα που πιστεύουμε πως οι δραστηριότητές μας αναστέλλονται και αποσυρόμαστε για να ανασυνταχτούμε σωματικά και ψυχικά, που πιστεύουμε πως παύει η κοινωνική δραστηριότητα και τα βάρη της, δημιούργησε ένα πρόγραμμα καλλιτεχνικών δράσεων. Συγκεκριμένα, πρόκειται για ένα σπονδυλωτό πρόγραμμα εκδηλώσεων της Στέγης του Ιδρύματος Ωνάση το οποίο αποτελείται από μια έκθεση έργων μοντέρνας και σύγχρονης τέχνης, από performances και sleepovers, ένα κύκλο ηχητικών έργων και ζωντανών περιπατητικών δράσεων και από μια σειρά διαλέξεων και δημόσιων συζητήσεων. Επίσης, συνοδεύεται από μια ειδική περιοδική έκδοση.

Νομίζω πως διάφορα στοιχεία από τις ιστορίες που είχα γράψει τότε κατέληξαν ακόμα και στο Νήμα από ότι έχω διαβάσει στις κριτικές, αλλά δεν το έχω δει ποτέ οπότε δεν είμαι σίγουρη. Υπάρχει και ένα τραγούδι στον τελευταίο δίσκο του Άλεξ, Έτοιμοι, που νομίζω πως είναι η απάντηση του Άλεξ προς εμένα. Είναι το τραγούδι Μπράϊαν Λήθη. Διάφοροι στίχοι αυτού του τραγουδιού είναι ξεκάθαρα αναφορές σε δικούς μου στοίχους και αποσπάσματα από τις ιστορίες μου.

Πίσω απο το μαστίγωμα της σάρκας στο πέτρινο δωμάτιο του Καρκίνου.
Εκεί που όλοι φοράνε κουκούλες.
Τα παιδιά του Καρκίνου.
Μπαίνει στο μυαλό μας.
Όχι πια δικό μας.
Τι θα πει δικό μας.
Σκέψου λίγο τι θα πει δικό μας.

At the opposite platform, platform 19 wagon compartment 87, she spots a man staring absently into the distance. His black luggage behind him left unattended. She rushes down the stairs, through the hall, up the stairs and appears on the platform behind the man. He doesn’t seem to notice. “Perfect dumbass.”, and the blogger smiles to herself, grabbing his luggage just when he turns his head. She stares back at him and doesn’t make a move, holding the luggage handle tightly. “Κλέφτρα!”, the man exclaims, “HOW DARE YOU ROB MY CHARACTERS? THIS IS MY STORY! THESE ARE MY CHARACTERS! THIS IS MY TRAIN STATION, MY PLATFORM, MY LUGGAGE!”. Her empty stomach roars loudly. All she can think of is a bag of salty chips and a pizza slice.

https://mariatechnosux.wordpress.com/2016/05/06/%ce%ba%ce%bb%ce%ad%cf%86%cf%84%cf%81%ce%b1-robs-the-woman-and-the-man-on-the-train-platform-short-story/

Θα πει η γεύση του αίματος να μη σε θολώνει.
Θα πει η Νέα Σάρκα να μη σε σκοτώνει.

Απομονώθηκε πίσω απο την λαμπερή λίμνη με τα καλώδια συντροφιά.
Έγινε Αλληγορική Μνήμη που δεν την θυμάται όμως κανείς.
Και ας είναι επισήμως ο τελευταίος όλων μας .
Ο Συγγενής που τα δώρα του τυλίγονται γύρω απο τους λαιμούς των παιδιών μας.

Tο Γρύλισμα slept restlessly τυλιγμένο γύρω απ’τον λαιμό σου like a huge python smothering you. It was actually hugging itself the way you used to hug yourself whenever you felt alone, back in the days when you were alone and lonely. You knew that desolate feeling from your own experience, so you allowed it to coil tighter and tighter around itself, until one night it wrapped itself too tight and broke your neck. You had to walk around with a neckbrace for some while, and joked about your predicament: “I finally look like the characters in Cronenberg’s Crash!”. Tο Γρύλισμα was too depressed to laugh at you silly jokes.

https://mariatechnosux.wordpress.com/2014/06/02/%cf%84%ce%bf-%ce%b3%cf%81%cf%8d%ce%bb%ce%b9%cf%83%ce%bc%ce%b1-%ce%ba%ce%b1%ce%b9-%ce%b7-%cf%83%cf%84%cf%81%ce%b9%ce%b3%ce%ba%ce%bb%ce%b9%ce%ac-%ce%bd%ce%af%ce%ba%ce%b7%cf%82-tragic-love-story/

Των απόγονών μας.
Αυτό το τέλος δεν θα ναι το δικό μας.
Θεού θέλοντος θα ξαμολυθούν οι Μοίρες στον δρόμο.
Μαύρες μοτοσυκλέτες με τραγανές ρουκέτες.
Κάποιος να πει στον κλειδοκράτορα οτι ήρθε η ώρα.
Ο Συγγενής φέρνει τα πιο απαραίτητα δώρα.
Στόματα που προσκυνάνε το μπούκωμα και ο Αλέξης Ευθύνης.
Ενας πιστός υπηρέτης της Αλληγορικής Μνήμης.
Μπαίνει φθινόπωρο.
Η εποχή που χαλαρώνουνε τα ήθη.
Και η υφή του δολώματος αλλάζει στο στόμα μας.
Τώρα η βοήθεια του πια δεν μας πείθει.
Ήρθε η ώρα να καλέσουμε τον Μπράιαν Λήθη.

Ποιός είναι ο Μπράιαν Λήθη;
Να τος.
Λεν για τον Μπράιαν Λήθη.
Θα πολεμήσει το φίδι.
Μόνο ο Μπράιαν Λήθη.
Ναι.
Ο Μπράιαν Λήθη.

Απομονώθηκε.
Έγινε ερημίτης μέσα σε χρεωκοπημένα μουνιά που δεν είχαν να πληρώσουν το ρεύμα .
Δεν είχαν να πιουν νερό.
Και είχαν εναν ολόκληρο λαβύρινθο να συντηρούν και ένα αιωνίως αγέννητο μωρό.

“Τι σε φοβίζει πραγματικά;”, you ask her.

“H εγκυμοσύνη.”, she says. “Φοβάμαι το σπέρμα. Πάντα φοβόμουνα την ζωή την ίδια. Life was supposed to be fun. Birth is not an option. Giving birth to a blind and hairy little child… This is not how i was supposed to be.”

https://mariatechnosux.wordpress.com/2014/06/09/%ce%bf%ce%b9-%ce%ac%ce%bd%cf%84%cf%81%ce%b5%cf%82-%ce%b3%ce%b1%ce%bc%ce%ac%ce%bd%ce%b5-%cf%84%ce%b9%cf%82-%ce%b3%cf%85%ce%bd%ce%b1%ce%af%ce%ba%ce%b5%cf%82-%ce%b3%ce%b9%ce%b1-%ce%bd%ce%b1-%ce%b2%ce%b9/

Ο Συγγενής φτιάχνει αδελφότητα και ετοιμάζει πορεία μέσα στα σκονισμένα του μουνιού τοιχώματα που προκαλούν αμνησία.
Κρύβει στην τσέπη του ενα κλειδί και τον Αλέξη Ευθύνη.
Εναν πιστό υπηρέτη της Αλληγορικής Μνήμης.

Αυτό αναφέρεται στην ιστορία μου Skeleton Key Hidden Place που η blogger μπαίνει στο λαβυρίνθιο κάστρο του professional S&Μ Pornographer.

https://mariatechnosux.wordpress.com/2014/06/16/hidden-place-part-1-short-story/

Θεού θέλοντος θα ξαμολυθούν οι αιχμές στον βυθό του.
Ο Σύγγενης οτι θέλει το κάνει δικό του.
Αγόρια που επιτελούν το απόσπασμα για την Τζοάννα Θυσία.
Προσφέρει κάθε μέρα την παρθενιά της για μια πιο δίκαιη κοινωνία.

Mia Shlevin the Jewish developer from Manhattan was lying on the Jewish shrink’s Freudian couch, trying to relax her way through the session, but every 5 seconds something was twisting or turning, visibly or invisibly. And yet she felt relaxed enough to give the shrink a piece of her mind. The topic of the day was the usual, the same as every week before. Joanna was on her mind again.

“This Greek woman I was telling you about, Joanna, she-blows-my-mind, her thinking and the way she carries all this culture behind her. Just having her on the phone every day working on this project makes my day. Every script needs development, but her scripts, my goodness, she has done all the work for me herself and I still get paid just for yapping with her on the phone. We talk about Greece, and Israel, and New York, and Jews, and Martin, and her visiting New York with her son, and I get the feeling knows more about New York than I do. It’s incredible. I have never met a woman like her in 20 years working in development.”.

The Jewish developer does not distinguish the name “Ioanna” from “Joanna” and pronounces both the same way.

https://mariatechnosux.wordpress.com/2014/09/30/the-jewish-developer-from-manhattan-goes-to-athens-short-story/

Μπαίνει χειμώνας.
Και η λύση του δράματος ποτέ δεν τους πείθει.
Η υφή του ατυχήματος ανακατασκευάζει τα δόντια μας.
Το ξαναλέω.
Η λύση του δράματος δεν με πείθει.
Ήρθε η ώρα να πιστέψω στον Μπράιαν Λήθη.

Ψιλοτσατίστηκα όταν άκουσα αυτό το τραγούδι, όχι για με έκανε ο Άλεξ counterdiss, αλλά γιατί το τραγούδι είχε παλιά άλλους στοίχους που ήταν απηρα καλύτεροι. “Γεννήθηκαν σε παραθαλασσιες πολεις/ Από τα δεκαπέντε μόλις/ Έγραφαν και δημοσίευαν.”. Μου αρέσουν οι παλιοι στιχοι περισσότερο από τους καινούριους. Είχα ακούσει την υχογράφηση που είχαν κάνει τα παιδιά όταν απαιξε ο Άλεξ στο ΤΕΙ της Δράμας που ήταν τότε κατάληψη. Είχε παίξει τότε το τραγούδι με τους παλιούς στοίχους και ακουγόταν στην ηχογράφηση έτσι μανιασμένος, έτσι κλασσικός Άλεξ. Μου άρεσε πιο πολύ και ελπίζω κάποτε να ξαναμαγνητοφωνήσει το τραγούδι και με τους παλιούς στοίχους.

Πρέπει να πω πως δεν είμαι πια και τόσο τσατισμένη με τον Άλεξ γιατί στο τέλος κέρδισε η δικιά μου πλευρά, η πλευρά εναντίον του κινηματογραφικού σεξισμού. Έχουμε το #Metoo και το #TimesUp και ο Harvey Weinstein θα πάει επιτέλους φυλακή. Ακολουθώ την RoseMcGowan και την Asia Argento στο Twitter και χαίρομαι πολύ για αυτήν την εξέλιξη, μακάρι να γινόταν κάτι παρόμοιο και στην Ελλάδα. Ακόμα και το κλασικά σεξιστικό και μισογυνο Flix αναγκάστηκε να ανεβάσει μια σειρά από αφιερώματα στις Ελληνίδες σκηνοθέτριες και filmworkers γενικά. Οπότε εγώ κέρδισα στο τέλος. Fuck you Alex. Τώρα βέβαια έχω την Ναταλίτσα να μου κλέβει ότι έχω και δεν έχω, η άτιμη (“she is probably out there thinking it’s funny/telling everyone”), οπότε άντε πάλι από την αρχή με τα κλεφτρόνια. Μάλιστα, όταν η Ναταλίτσα ανακάλυψε αυτό το ο blog και διάβασε το κείμενο που είχα ανεβάσει τότε όπου παράπονιόμουνα (όταν κατάλαβα πόσο μα πόσο πρεζόνι μπεκρουλιάρα είναι, αν και μου άρεσε τρομερά η κινηματογραφική όψη της και ήθελα να μάθω τα πάντα για αυτήν και την τέχνη της, στεναχωρήθηκα πολύ) πως μου έτυχε άλλος ένας Άλεξ (και αυτό το είπα σχετικά με τις μαλακίες που έλεγε τότε για την παιδεραστεία και την Λολίτα του Nabokov, ακριβώς τις ίδιες μαλακίες που έλεγε ο Άλεξ για τον Polanski και τον Allen), αυτή πήγε και έφτιαξε ένα ολοκλήρο βίντεο όπου ήταν ντυμένη ο Άλεξ από το A Clockwork Orange του Kubrick αλλά τραβεστί γιατί τότε είχε αρχίσει να είναι τρανς γυναίκα, λες και μου έλεγε, “why, of course I am just another Alex!“. Μιλάμε για ξεκάθαρα στοχευμένο ψυχολογικό πόλεμο.

Όλα αυτά τα άτομα που έρχονται εδώ και με κλέβουνε είναι όλοι τους τραγικές καταστάσεις οπότε δεν τους κρατάω και τόση κακιά. Εάν ήταν καλά με τον εαυτό τους, εάν είχανε αυτοπεποίθηση και πίστευαν σε αυτό που κάνουν δεν θα είχαν την ανάγκη να κλέψουν από εμένα, και ξέρω πως και ο Άλεξ και η Ναταλίτσα έχουν Γρυλίσματα και υποφέρουν, αν και είναι σε αντίθεση με εμένα γνωστοί καλλιτέχνες. Και εγώ είχα καταντήσει κάποτε κλεπτομανής από την αγανάκτησία μου, κάθε μέρα έκλεβα. Έκλεβα γιατί ένιωθα μόνη και απελπισμένη. Το κλέψιμο μου έδινε την ψευδαίσθηση της δύναμης που δεν είχα και ποτέ δεν θα έχω.

Εσύ, εσύ που διαβάζεις αυτό το κείμενο τώρα, εσύ με κλέβεις γιατί με μισείς και δεν μου μιλάς. Αν σε μισούσα και εγώ όπως με μισείς και δεν μιλούσα πια για εσένα, θα σταματούσες να με εκλέβες; Δεν θέλω να σε μισώ όπως με μισείς εσύ αλλά θέλω να σταματήσεις να με κλέβεις. Είμαι ένα τίποτα και δεν έχω τίποτα, οπότε γιατί κλέβεις εμένα; Γιατί δεν πας να κλέψεις από τους φίλους σου που είναι γνωστοί εμπνευσμένοι καλλιτέχνες σαν εσένα; Γιατί σου φαίνεται αστείο να κλέβεις από κάποιον που δεν έχει τίποτα και δεν έχει την δυνατότητα να σε κάνει να σταματήσεις; Δεν είναι αστείο. Είναι αδικία.

DoNotRead

Σε τι σου έφταιξα και μου το κανείς αυτό; Επειδή ενδιαφέρθηκα για εσένα; Για αυτό με τυραννάς έτσι; Είδα πως η φίλη σου έκανε πάλι μια απόπειρα αυτοκτονίας πριν λίγες μέρες. Γιατί δεν ασχολείσαι μαζί της αντί με εμένα;

 

SeeWhatIMean

 

Having spent the last 40 years of his life making films about the abuse he commits in his personal life, Allen’s career is a surreal metric for the lengths Hollywood will go to in order to protect its male auteur darlings. Allen is afraid of a witch hunt coming for him, but he’s laid out bread crumbs for us the whole way.

https://www.bitchmedia.org/article/woody-allen-witch-hunt

 

Allen’s archive is a garden of earthly deletes — decades of notes and stories and sketches that the prolific filmmaker exiled, for whatever reason, to the shadowlands in between whole-hearted commitment and half-hearted possession. His screenplays are often Freudian, and they generally feature him (or some avatar for him) sticking almost religiously to a formula: A relationship on the brink of failure is thrown into chaos by the introduction of a compelling outsider, almost always a young woman.

https://www.washingtonpost.com/outlook/i-read-decades-of-woody-allens-private-notes-hes-obsessed-with-teenage-girls/2018/01/04/f2701482-f03b-11e7-b3bf-ab90a706e175_story.html?utm_term=.bbe794c7f8a0

 

Nabokov’s Lolita is one of the most stolen books in New York.

https://electricliterature.com/indie-bookstores-tell-us-about-their-most-stolen-books-398b9885c64

 

I’ve just discovered that Alexander has quietly posted his controversial debut movie Pink online in full on Youtube. Sorry, no English subs available.

Some general information about this film and its context:

– As late as 2006 when this movie premiered, Greek cinemas were overwhelmingly not yet equiped with digital projectors and hence young Greek filmmakers were still shooting their movies on film. Alexander had no budget while shooting the movie (he only obtained funding ex post to finish it and make copies for distribution to festivals), so the film was shot on leftover filmstock salvaged from Athenian advertising companies, back then a common way for young filmmakers to obtain film for free. The filmstock obtained from the advertising companies was of variable quality and type, which is reflected in the end product.

– Mirroring the youthful themes of the film, Alexander’s film crew was mostly young film students. His make up artist in Pink was the late actress Mary Tsoni, who was then just 17 years old.

– At the time Alexander hated living in Athens and did not want to depict the city in the film. Models of urban landscapes were constructed and painted panels were placed before windows, lending a kind of dreamy quality to the mise en scene.

– Alexander performed the main character in this movie but due extremely personal nature of the movie the experience of performing a character so close to himself left him extremely anxious and depressed. It took years of counseling before Alex would appear in another movie. He says he only does it now as a favour to filmmaker friends.

SeeWhatIMean03

– Alexander became so anxious about showing this movie to audience that he would suffer from severe panic attacks prior to screenings. These were so debilitating that he eventually did not wish to screen the movie anywhere at all. For almost a decade Pink was not shown anywhere in or outside of Greece and was basically unavailable, with fans constantly begging Alex on Facebook to post the movie somewhere and Alex deflecting saying he did not have a good digital copy to post. For a long time there were only a couple of excerpts of the film on Youtube and a handful of promo stills.

– Another factor contributing to Alex’s emotional distress at the time were the negative reviews the movie received both within and outside of Greece. Alexander was not used to such criticism and took these reviews rather personally.

– Alexander met Romanna Lobats, the young actress who plays the character of Cnezanna, on the set of his father’s 2004 movie The Brides. There is a shot at the beginning of The Brides that briefly shows Romanna in the foreground with a crowd of brides behind her. The friendship depicted in Pink is based on Alexander’s actual friendship to Romanna Lobats and his conflicting feelings about their relationship. Several songs on Alexander’s debut album 50 Gawddamned Songs were inspired by that relationship.

– Alexander’s main cinematic influences for Pink were Todd Solonz’s Happiness, Kubrick’s Lolita, the Pearl Jam music video for Jeremy, the twin brothers from Cronenberg’s Dead Ringers, Edward Scissorhands, The Elephant Man and Alan Parker’s now largely forgotten debut feature movie Bugsy Malone which was Jodie Foster’s film debut.

– Body Dysmorphic Disorder was not a term on anyone’s lips at the time, but this movie is very much informed by Alexander’s experiences with the condition. The scenes of hair removal in the movie Pink are in reference of Alexander’s dysmorphia regarding his own body hair, something he also brought up in his songs at the time (“Πως μου την έσπαγε το λευκό παιδικό μου δέρμα και τα μικρά μου τα βυζιά/Με χάιδευα παντού. Ακόμα και στα τριχωτά μου χέρια που ξέρεις πως πάντα τα σταυρώνω από ντροπή.”). Several years ago Alexander posted a Facebook update saying that as a child he immediately identified himself with Winona Ryder in Beetlejuice. Alexander keeps two folders on his Facebook wall titled “Identification”, one with pictures of male actors and one with pictures of female actors. (See what I mean? Now you know.)

SeeWhatIMean02

Reconnaissance Flight (short story)

The following story is a work of fiction and bears no relation to existing people or events.

Είχα ένα όνειρο πως πετούσα πάνω από ένα γυμνό σώμα και το παρακολουθούσα από ψηλά όπως μέσα από ένα ελικόπτερο. Η μπορεί να ήμουνα και τηλεκινούμενο, δεν ξέρω. Το σώμα αυτό, που είχε ανδρικά και γυναικεία στοιχεία, ήταν σαν μια απέραντη επέκταση. Το σώμα εμφανιζότανστην αρχικά σαν ένας ψηφιακός σκελετός, όπως ένα 3D animation πριν του περσάσεις το φίλτρο με την σάρκα καλύπτοντας το εξωτερικό. Μετά η εικονα άρχισε να αναβοσβήνει και εμφανίστηκε σαν κανονικό σώμα. Μόνο όταν έφτασα στο πρόσωπο και είδα το δικό σου κατάλαβα πως το σώμα που παρακολουθούσα είναι το δικό σου. Είχες τα μάτια σου κλειστά και ένα στεφάνι από λουλούδια στα μαλλιά όπως η Frida που και οι δύο μας αγαπάμε και κοιμόσουνα ήρεμα. Ούτε που έπαιρνες χαμπάρι το ελικόπτερο/τηλεκινούμενο που περνούσε από πάνω σου. Ξαφνιάστηκα και ντράπηκα τόσο πολύ που ξύπνησα αμέσως.

Σε παρακαλώ, μην εμφανίζεσαι άλλο πια στα όνειρα μου. Δεν αντέχω άλλο. Κάθε φορά που ακούω αυτό το τραγούδι σε σκέφτομαι και κλαίω. Θέλω να σταματήσω να κλαίω. Δεν θέλω να σε αναζητώ στα όνειρα μου. Δεν θέλω αλλά παρακοινωνικά όνειρα. Θέλω να σε βλέπω να χάνεσαι μακριά, πάντα ελεύθερη.

Panting Neon Princess Tastes The Candy Content With Contents

Aropax is Paxil, a drug for depression, anxiety and panic disorders. I think the line is ‘bow and aropax’, like bow and arrow. This song is beautiful and sad. ‘But it’s all the same to me’ describes the feeling of being on the meds, how it controls your feelings and there is no happiness or deep depression, it just makes you dull and dispassionate.

 

That is the difference.
No matter how sad or angry or hopeless I felt, I would rather kill myself than allow an expert to take away my ability to feel sadness or happiness in the name of normalcy.
The difference is that it never even crossed my mind that there was a way for me to escape from myself and become someone else. Or that attempting this would solve a damn thing. I could spend a lifetime panting trying to outrun myself. 
And if that exit into another life or self existed by virtue of being sanctioned by medicine or society, and being appreciatively written about in every medical journal and mainstream medium, it was obviously nothing I wanted.
That is the difference.  

 

 

Κλαις; (short story)

The following story is a work of fiction and bears no relation to existing people or events

Now you say you’re lonely
You cried the long night through
Well, you can cry me a river
Cry me a river
I cried a river over you

Nadja: Why are you looking at me like that?
Bill: I followed you down the street, once.

You ask people to forgive but you do not forgive yourself. And it’s very telling how you now respond by icing these people & withdrawing emotional intimacy seemingly as form of punishment.

Why nuke all these shared moments? Why burn Leda and the Swan? Emotional withdrawal and withdrawal of intimacy is what an abuser does in a toxic relationship.

You said you were a Kafka fan, and I remember how Kafka wanted all his work destroyed after his death. We are only able to read his works in the present because someone violated Kafka’s deathbed wish. I could no longer read Kafka when I found out.

Because I have saved a couple of the moments you’ve nuked, I have now unwillingly become the keeper of a secret.

I have a moment here where you’re drunkenly trying to play Bach. You stagger over to your piano, arrange the tabs with trembling hands & begin to play, I can tell by ear that you are messing up, quickly you give up. You stagger back to the microphone, you apologize, go back to the piano and then you play the blues which you manage better.

I kept this moment because I was surprised at how self-conscious you were of your playing despite being so drunk. I came across this moment while researching you, back when I was so angry at you yet fascinated enough to keep searching for the answers you would not give. It was a moment that humanized you in my eyes after I had so thoroughly dehumanized you, so I kept it. Because before that moment, I could only see you as a drunk in a dress.

This moment, by virtue of being memory-holed by you, has now been turned into a secret, and I have become the keeper of this secret against my will. Secrets burn a hole in your soul the way money burns a hole in your poket, and I hate being the keeper of secrets.

Αλέξανδρε, μιας και είσαι και εσύ εδώ και τα διαβάζεις όλα, για πες, είδες ποτέ την ταινία “οι Διχασμένοι” μαζί της;

MaryTsoniDeadRingersΟιΔυχασμενοι01_1MaryTsoniDeadRingersΟιΔυχασμενοι01_2MaryTsoniDeadRingersΟιΔυχασμενοι01_3MaryTsoniDeadRingersΟιΔυχασμενοι01_4MaryTsoniDeadRingersΟιΔυχασμενοι01_5MaryTsoniDeadRingersΟιΔυχασμενοι01_6

Μήπως εσύ την έβαλες να την δει; Την ξαναείδες από τότε που χάθηκε;

MaryTsoniDeadRingersΟιΔυχασμενοι05MaryTsoniDeadRingersΟιΔυχασμενοι08_01MaryTsoniDeadRingersΟιΔυχασμενοι08_02

Τί δεν κατάλαβες;

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Γίνεται να την ξαναβλέπεις τώρα και να μην καταλαβαίνεις;

MaryTsoniDeadRingersΟιΔυχασμενοι05_1MaryTsoniDeadRingersΟιΔυχασμενοι05_2MaryTsoniDeadRingersΟιΔυχασμενοι05_3

Θυμάσαι εκείνη την φορά που διάβασες εδώ στο blog πως είχα ένα όνειρο όπου ήσουν γυναικολόγος στα Εξάρχεια; Αστείο, δεν ήταν;

MaryTsoniDeadRingersΟιΔυχασμενοι07_01MaryTsoniDeadRingersΟιΔυχασμενοι07_02MaryTsoniDeadRingersΟιΔυχασμενοι07_03

Γεννήθηκαν σε παραθαλάσσιες πόλεις. Από τα 16 μόλις sniffαραν και decandentζιωσαν, sniffαραν και decandentζιωσαν. Και τον σινεμά ακόμα κάποτε αμφισβήτησαν. Και πέθαναν. Τώρα στα προάστια με κάτι ΙΧ τεράστια. ΙΧ τεράστια. ΙΧ τεράστια. ΙΧ τεράστια.

MaryTsoniDeadRingersΟιΔυχασμενοι01

MaryTsoniDeadRingersΟιΔυχασμενοιMaryTsoniDeadRingersΟιΔυχασμενοι02MaryTsoniDeadRingersΟιΔυχασμενοι03MaryTsoniDeadRingersΟιΔυχασμενοι04

 

#αιμορραγείς #γεμάτη τύψεις

CIADirectorRichardHelmsOliverStoneNixon

 

When you hear that song in the background at the beginning here, and you know you’ve heard it before.

NoThankYou

 

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The death of Mary Tsoni, Alexander Voulgaris and the Sexy Tragic Muse trope

by

the Same Κωλόπαιδο Who Usually Researches And Writes These Blog Articles

KaiToteEgineToKako

Περιμένω να δω σε κάποιο νεαρό κορίτσι το πρόσωπο της φίλης μου που κρεμάστηκε στα 17 της
The Boy, Δεν

 

Αν ο καθένας κοίταζε μόνο τον εαυτό του, να μη βοηθάει ούτε καν το διπλανό του, τα πράγματα θα ήταν καλύτερα.”
Alexandros Voulgaris in a 2009 interview

 

Σου είχα πει πως είσαι
Της τέχνης μου η μούσα
Μα με εμπνέεις πιο πολύ όταν είσαι απούσα

 

When I first read Alex’s response to Mary Tsoni’s death I honestly didn’t know what to make of it:

«Το σώμα σου – Τα χέρια μου – Το πρόσωπό σου – Τα μάτια μου»

“Your body, my hands, your face, my eyes”…

What was that supposed to mean, other than being a reference to the Photoshopped cover image of their album “Mary and the Boy Praying For Your Sins” which is a mash up of Alex’s and Mary’s portraits airbrushed to form a single creature? Going through my archive I discovered that a couple of years ago in 2014 I had actually published a short horror story inspired by Alex’s creative output. I was writing these surreal horror stories at the time trying to deal with my anger, disappointment and rage towards Alex about the stuff I had discovered about him bein a pedophilia apologist. The story I rediscovered in my archive was titled: “Your eyes, your hands and the girl next to you”… Could it be that Alex was subconsciously referencing my story title in his tribute to Mary? And I swear that the title I came up with back in 2014 was not in reference to the Mary and the Boy album cover he was referring to.

“Was it suicide?” a friend and band-member asked me about Mary Tsoni’s death after I had shown him all the tributes I had collected from the Greek media. I told him that self-destructive people are not necessarily suicidal. That self-destructive behaviour is often a cry for help, a person crying out “Help me, I don’t know how to live!” rather than a commitment to self-destruct oneself to death. My impression is that Mary Tsoni wanted to live. The fact that she up called up the paramedics and asked them to come and save her strengthens my belief that her death was not a suicide but rather a mistake and an accident. This hush of mine is difficult to fact-check due to the hypocritical reporting of her death by the Greek media who are not giving us the specific facts about her untimely demise. Only one Greek article went into the public secret about Mary Tsoni’s life and death that all the other media refused to bring up:

Ηταν φανερό, εδώ και πολλά χρόνια, στις ξαφνικές εναλλαγές στη συμπεριφορά της, στον τρόπο που χανόταν, εμφανιζόταν, για να εξαφανιστεί ξανά, στον τρόπο που, ενίοτε, ζητούσε βοήθεια, συμπαράσταση ή προστασία από τους άλλους. Φαινόταν σε κάθε της έκφραση, σε κάθε της κίνηση.

Ηταν όμως δύσκολο να βρει τη χείρα βοηθείας που αναζητούσε, το αποκούμπι που έψαχνε, γιατί η ίδια δεν ήταν έτοιμη, δεν μπορούσε να κάνει το άλμα που απαιτούσε η κατάστασή της. Δεν είχε αποφασίσει να ξεκόψει από τις εξαρτήσεις που την παγίδευαν, από τις κακές συνήθειες στις οποίες είχε ενδώσει. Τα τελευταία χρόνια, η Μαίρη Τσώνη είχε μπει σε εκείνο τον σκοτεινό δρόμο των τεχνητών παραδείσων, που δεν την οδηγούσε πουθενά. Στο αδιέξοδο. Δεν μπόρεσε να αντιμετωπίσει τις αδυναμίες της, την κατάθλιψή της, να δει τη ζωή της κατάματα και να σωθεί. Σαν να είχε παραιτηθεί.

«Μπορεί και να σε είχα σώσει», σκέφτηκε η φίλη της, το κορίτσι που βρήκε νεκρή τη Μαίρη Τσώνη μέσα στο διαμέρισμά της στα Εξάρχεια. Και θέλησε να της ζητήσει συγγνώμη που δεν την έψαξε νωρίτερα, που καθυστέρησε να φτάσει, που δεν μπόρεσε να κάνει κάτι.

Ετσι φευγαλέα, στα τριάντα της, έφυγε από τη ζωή.
Πηγή: Η ζωή εν τάφω της Μαίρης Τσώνη | iefimerida.gr

Unfortunately Mary Tsoni’s death was to be expected because of the things she did to herself from a very young age, the people she had surrounded herself with, the people she had worked with, and the very toxic social environment she found herself in as part of the Athenian hipster scene that cheered her on as she slipped down into the abyss of self-destruction, with no one reaching out to her and offering a helping hand. The sad fact is that those who had the financial ability and the ethical obligation to help her didn’t.

I didn’t want to log into WordPress at all as I’m crazy busy with all sorts of projects at the moment, but I did when I heard on the news that Mary Tsoni from Alex’s old band, Mary and the Boy was found in a comatose state from that some people online suggests was a drug overdose or a by-reaction of a toxic mix of drugs. Mary fell into a coma and passed away shortly after she was found by the paramedics who determined she had stopped breathing. She had made an emergency phonecall prior to losing consciousness pleading: “Please come and pick me up, I’m not feeling well.”

Greeks who follow the alternative music scene in Greece mostly know Mary Tsoni from the aforementioned band with Alex, but people abroad mostly know her as the actress who played the younger sister in Yiorgos Lanthimos’ breakthrough movie Dogtooth. There are comments on Youtube from fans of that movie who only discovered Mary and the Boy after researching “the actress who played the little sister” online. Before he became a famous filmmaker Lanthimos was in the Filmmakers in the Fog group with Alex and his sister Constantina and it is even less well known that Lanthimos was a onetime photographer for Mary and the Boy. I myself first discovered Mary’s music through K the Clown, the frontman of my favourite Greek rock band 2l8. In an interview K did years ago, he was asked about his favourite song by another Greek group and he mentioned being taken by the song Staring At Your Friend by the band Mary and The Boy. Just because K said he liked that song, I looked it up on Youtube and that was basically my first introduction to Mary. At the time I had no idea who Alexander Voulgaris was or that he was “The Boy” in this band. K the Clown later told me that he actually hated the version on Youtube and that he was referring to the demo version which he only got to hear because he was signed to the same indie label. He told me that the studio version was significantly different from the demo he had orginally heard. I never got to hear the demo and hope someone still has a copy they can now release posthumously.

I quickly realized that Mary was abusing drugs when I began researching Alexander’s pedophilia apologetics for my essay on the topic. All over the internet were accounts from people who had seen Mary passed out or almost passed out in the streets of Athens. I suspected the only reason she was in Lanthimos’ movie was because of her connection to Alex and the Voulgaris oikogeniocracy. Going through her IMDB profile I realized that she never did another feature movie after Dogtooth or had done much at all after Mary and the Boy broke up and stopped touring. There were some songs on Youtube with a band named Joalz and some reviews of liveshows. One of these live reviews mentioned Mary collapsing after the show. My timeline of events suggested to me that as soon as that direct connection to the oikogeniocracy was gone, as soon as Mary was a Woman Going Her Own Way, her career, her health and her sanity all went downhill. One of the news broadcasts about her death claimed that she was suffering from a prolonged depression. I was even less surprised to learn that she was suffering bouts of anxiety and had developed intense phobias, because that’s what long-term drug abuse eventually does to users: the drugs make them anxious and paranoid. However, by neglecting to report on her long-term drug abuse the Greek media falsely suggested that her depression, anxiety and phobias were merely the symptoms of a sad girl rather than the side-effects of long term drug abuse.

Last summer I looked Mary up on Youtube just out of curiosity and discovered that she had worked on a number of performance art pieces, some of which included rather extreme forms of body art (someone breaking glass and then dancing with bare feet on top of the broken glass until their feet bled). There was also a peformance she did about s Vaslav Nijinsky’ L’après-midi d’un faune (1912) with a bespectacled dancer she hugged and kissed at the end of the performance. I don’t know if that guy was her new boyfriend or not. I was actually relieved to see that Mary had moved into performance art because I hoped that this would allow her to turn over a new leaf and explore another art form. Mary looked pale and thin in the video of the Vaslav Nijinsky performance but also energetic doing some kind of a strip routine on a chair. Later in the video she sang the song “You, you, you”, one of the Mary and the Boy songs that Alexander himself still performs during his solo shows as “The Boy”.

I want to take this opportunity to extensively discuss Mary’s connection to Alexander focussing particularly the role that Alexander appears to have played in pushing Mary Tsoni further and further down the path of self-destruction. That is surely a harsh thing to say of a man who only 2 years ago was posting about Mary on Facebook reminiscing favourably about their musical collaboration, describing how proud he was of their mutual work in Mary and the Boy. The public record as I have seen it all over the internet plainly suggests that there was darker more sinister side to their collaboration that went beyond making music and being roommates in a squat in Exarchia. Alexander never explicitized whether Mary and he were just friends, lovers, fuckbuddies or poly with eachother and others. What we do know is that in this particular relationship Alexander was always the older person, older by 6 years, and as the older person it was Alex who had an ethical responsibility to look out for the much younger Mary, who had left the Island of Crete to move to Athens at the age of 16. My impressionistic interpretation of events suggests that Alexander had failed his basic duty of care towards Mary. I will explain how I made that impression after examining the texts available to me.

Alexander has openly stated in public comments and in two of his solo songs that he once had a female friend who hung herself at the age of 17. Alexander wrote a song about this friend titled “I used to call her Kurt Cobain”.

Losing a friend to suicide was an experience that clearly scarred the young Alex. Just a few years ago he wrote the following on Facebook about losing this unnamed friend the Kurt Cobain fan:

Τέλος, είχα μια αγαπημένη φίλη που την φωνάζαμε Kurt επειδή τον λάτρευε και έφυγε με τον ίδιο τρόπο στα 17 της.Ο πιο κοντινός μου άνθρωπος που έχασα.

Presumably it was Alex himself who put the idea in his friend’s head that suicide was a romantic way to go by constantly comparing her with her favourite famous dead rockstar. Alexander apparently never stopped to wonder whether the constant comparisons to Kurt Cobain weren’t as harmless as he casually presents them here when he retells this story of losing “the closest person to me.”. Many people are now aware of the fact that Kurt Cobain was a heroin drug addict. Less people are aware of the fact that Cobain took an overdose of heroin prior to shooting himself. One wonders whether Alexander’s friend was likewise abusing hard drugs like heroin at the young age of 17.

While I was doing the aforementioned research into Alex’s pedophilia apologetics I inevitably ended up reading a lot about his band Mary and the Boy as well. Alexander once stated in a Facebook that he and Mary were listening to completely different things when they started this band and that the only music artist they had in common was another celebrated drug-addict promoting the rocknroll junkie lifestyle, the artist Lou Reed who is best known for shooting up onstage and having written what is still the heroin addicts’ anthem.

αλεξανδρος βουλγαρης heeft een link gedeeld.
28 oktober 2013
LOU THREAD….Δεν υπάρχει μουσικός που να ερωτεύτηκα περισσότερο απο τον Θείο Λου.Ξεκίνησα να γραφω τα 50 god damned songs μου παίρνοντας θάρρος με το πως κατάφερνε να μιλήσει για τον εαυτό του και τους φίλους του άλλα να τον νιώθει όλος ο κόσμος. Ζαλισμένος απο την μονοτονία της φωνής του και με απο τον τρόπο που το βλέμμα του όριζε μια ολόκληρη πόλη. Οταν γνωρίστηκα με την Μαίρη ήταν η μοναδική μας κοινή μουσική αναφορά και φτιάξαμε τους Mary and The Boy απο την εμμονή μας για το τραγούδι Open House το οποίο τραγουδήσαμε και στην πρώτη μας συναυλία .

In other words, the only musician Alex and Mary had in common when they started out making music together and trying to find a musical commonground to work from was yet another artist who glamourized drug abuse and had become more famous for being a icon of onstage drug abuse than for their music. Contrary to the myths alt-nerds tell themselves, most people and especially most young people nowadays do not know the Velvet Underground at all, outside of a small circle of indie kids or art school art fags who read about Andy Warhol or might have seen that Edie movie that came out in. I myself saw the Edie Sedgwick movie Factory Girl (2006)  the second time I visited Berlin in 2007. I was not surprised to discover that Alexander hated Factory Girl. Because the Edie movie suggests that Edie was the victim of predatory men and that even her asexual and rather shallow relationship to Andy Warhol was essentially predatory and an act of consumption on his part, because Warhol used Edie up and discarded her when he was done with her. I wondered whether the real reason Alex was so upset about the Edie movie was because Alex wanted to disavow the possibility that his behaviour towards Mary might mirror Andy Warhol’s behaviour towards Edie. Maybe Alex was refusing to allow the idea that his relationship to Mary was not be the Lou Reed-Nico musical pairing he imagined them to be, but more of a Warhol-Edie thing.

During the course of my research I discovered that Alexander Voulgaris has a song on his 2004 debut solo album 50 Gawddamned Songs titled “Mary In A Strapless Bra” in which Alex appears to me making light of Mary abusing drugs in his presence:

mary is a strapless bra
(…)
Now she’s dancing in a blue light wearing a t-shirt of “The Miserables”.

Mary in a strapless bra. Her hair in a ponytail. Nose sniffing smack.
(…)
Mary in a strapless bra. Imagine the most decadence way of life.
You can see that she’s gonna be important for all of us.
(…)
Her make up is wonderful. Her look is bizarre.

The Mary in this song is undeniably Mary Tsoni because she is wearing a Les Miserables T-shirt. As mainstream Greek media have reported, Mary originally went to London to study at the Dance Attic become a musical dancer and singer in the UK:

Από την Κρήτη έφυγε για να σπουδάσει χορό. Είχε περάσει στην Κρατική Σχολή Χορού, στο φυτώριο, λόγω του νεαρού της ηλικίας της, αλλά δεν παρέμεινε για πολύ. Μετά το Λύκειο έφυγε και πήγε στο Λονδίνο για να σπουδάσει ένα είδος που αγαπούσε ιδιαίτερα, το μιούζικαλ, μια τέχνη που συνδυάζει χορό και τραγούδι.

http://www.iefimerida.gr/news/337191/i-zoi-en-tafo-tis-mairis-tsoni#axzz4h9CG2C99

If only Mary Tsoni been given the chance to realize that dream… And I can’t help but wonder whether Mary would’ve found other people to associate with and maybe even another approach to art making if she had managed to get herself a steady career as a musical performer in London, instead of having to move back to Greece to start a band with Alex, becoming a part of or maybe even just a pawn in his dark cynical worldview with is very common place in the Athenian yuppie hipster circles where Alex is revered as a film connoisseur and as an edgy lyricist with aggressive freestyle rap-like lyrics.

The above excerpted lyrics from the song Mary In A Strapless Bra suggest that Alexander was already aware of the fact that Mary was “sniffing smack” before he even started the band with her, yet he did nothing to help her kick the habit. When Alexander released this song in 2004, Mary was barely 18 and Alex himself was already 24. It bears mentioning that Alexander was already shooting his first government-funded film at the time. Alexander – as the older person, the better connected and the more established artist in the relationship – had an ethical obligation to help and look after his younger friend Mary who was a newcomer in the Athens scene. Instead of helping her and looking after her, he used her drug abuse as fodder for his song. He never stopped to think whether celebrating her drug abuse in song would encourage and enable his friend’s self-destructive behaviour. He never once wondered whether immortalizing his friend’s drug abuse in a song would encourage her in assuming she was indeed living the “most decadent way of life” – and look, the son of one of the most famous Greek filmmakers confirmed it in a song, so it must be really cool to fuck yourself up like this! Alexander never even considered that it might be better not to romanticize or celebrate her “sniffing smack”. Also, lyrics such as “Her look is bizarre” suggest that Alexander perceived Mary as the closest thing in his life to a Manic Pixie Dream Girl, living “the most decadent way of life” that Alex was either too shy or too introvert or maybe even too smart to try for himself.

Feminist Frequency – Manic Pixie Dream Girl Episode

Watching the new film-trailer for Alexander’s last and third feature movie The Thread, I noticed a scene that seems relevant here in the context of Alexander discussing his friend’s drug abuse in a song:

MaryTsoniTheNeedle

View the above still within the film trailer for The Thread here.

Alexander’s feature movie The Thread is autobiographic in the way Jodorowsky’s latest two movies were biopics, using surreal elements to exaggerate or caricature real people and events. The main character of The Thread  is a teeanged boy called Lefteris (or after the Greek word for liberty) a character based on Alexander himself and his experiences  growing up in 1990s Athens with a mother suffering from a chronic depression. In the above still image from the trailer, the character that is basically Alexander himself is holding up what is clearly a syringe. Not having seen the movie myself and not knowing what happens next, I have to wonder about this particular still image in the context of Alexander writing a song about Mary Tsoni “sniffing smack”. Does this scene from the trailer suggest that Alexander himself was doing hard drugs as a teenager in Athens? Is it even possible that Alexander either had access to smack, was shooting up smack, or that he might have even introduced Mary to smack only to write a song about it later? Maybe someone who has seen the whole movie can post a spoiler for me? Because that particular scene from the trailer does become kinda eerie in retrospect and in light of recent events. So please do let me know what it is that I am looking at here.

I began to notice a pattern here. Alexander seemed to be drawn to girls who are in one way or another fucked up: the 17 year old Kurt Cobain friend, Mary “sniffing smack”, the other unnamed broken or damaged girls who populate the songs on his debut album 50 Gawddamned Songs, women he has explained on Facebook were real people he knew in Athens at the time. These are the girls we would nowadays refer to as Suicide Girls. Alexander also appeared to be obsessed with the decadent stereotype of the emotionally unstable drug-abusing depressed female artist who openly and carelessly flirts with death and suicide yet somehow still manages to make awesome heartfelt intense music. Alexander never seemed to question just where his obsession for this particular stereotype came from (hint: predatory animals in nature usually target the sick and the infirm) but seemed to accept it as a given that Manic Pixie Dream Girls were fucked up, flirting with death and that it was actually kinda cool and hot that they were.

I realized that Alexander was obsessed with this trope of the fucked up female just from going through his film lists, which he posts to Facebook regularly. For example, I eventually wrote but didn’t publish (just because I didn’t have the time to format the very long review in HTML) an analysis of every single movie that Alexander listed in his top 100 of female leads posted to his sister Constantina’s blog Hit & Run. My close reading of this list revealed that almost every other female lead Alexander had included in his top 100 was an interpretation of an unstable or crazy female who was nevertheless a nympho or had some other troubled relationship to sex. In my analysis of Alexander’s very overtly sexualized obsession with this trope, I had linked to the following article explaining just how destructive this trope of the so-called “Sexy Tragic Muse” really is in perpetrating the most sexist stereotypes about mentally ill women:

“The Sexy Tragic Muse can be found in music, film, literature and pretty much every other form of media. She’s not dissimilar from the Manic Pixie Dream Girl – in fact, I would argue that there is some crossover between the two tropes – but she is also very much her own distinct type. She is usually young, and nearly always white. She’s often portrayed as being hyper-sexual – she’s the type that 30 Rock’s Jack Donaghy was referring to when he said “Emotionally unstable women are fantastic in the sack.” She’s damaged, often as a result of sexual assault or other abuse by men. Her life carries with it some kind of Deep Lesson, usually a lesson that a male protagonist needs to learn. “

“The Sexy Tragic Muse fetishizes women’s pain by portraying debilitating mental health disorders filtered dreamily through the male gaze. The trope glamourizes addiction and illnesses like depression, bipolar disorder, and schizophrenia – diseases that are distinctly unglamorous for those of us who live with them. The Sexy Tragic Muse is vulnerable, and her vulnerability is sexualized. *Her inability to properly care for herself or make decisions on her own behalf is presented as being part of her appeal.*”

And perhaps this is the most frustrating thing about the Sexy Tragic Muse – the fact that this character type seems to be a neat way of removing a woman’s agency without the film or book or song coming across as overtly misogynistic. She occupies the intersection of ableism and sexism, and her mental illness is portrayed in a way that makes it commendable, even necessary, for others to care for her. We feel gratitude to the men that step up and save her, because she obviously cannot save herself. We feel empathy for the men that break up with her, because we see that she is difficult and volatile. We never get to see things from her perspective; often it is implied that this would be impossible, because her perspective is too confused and fractured.

It is so demoralizing to see so many narratives that treat mentally ill women as literal objects – objects that mostly exist only to fulfill men’s needs. Our pain and distress are not theirs to commodify, repackage in dreamy soft-focus, then serve up as some kind of panacea for whatever ails them.

We deserve the right to autonomy over our lives. We deserve to exist as whole people, people who might struggle, yes, but whose worth doesn’t depend on how those struggles might benefit others. We deserve the right to exist as sexual beings without having our illnesses sexualized by those who don’t experience them. We deserve the right to exist, full stop, no extra qualifiers needed.

Source: Mental Illness and the Male Gaze
by Anne Theriault for Guerrillafeminism.org
http://www.guerrillafeminism.org/mental-illness-and-the-male-gaze-anne-theriault/

The best example I can think of a stereotypical Sexy Tragic Muse trope in an American movie is the Tourettic female lead in Niagara, Niagara (1997). “Sex helps, for some reason, sex helps.”, she insists, but sex actually doesn’t help because in the end she still dies a violent death, ultimately for the betterment of the male lead who is seemingly better off without her.

Another example of a Sexy Tragic Muse is the female lead in the American movie Mozart and the Whale (2005), albeit with a happier more mainstream American ending of all the crazies united under one roof, away from mainstream America that wants to warehouse them:

Male Dutch film-makers are guilty of perpetrating the Sexy Tragic Muse trope too, for example in Paul Verhoeven’s film Turks Fruit where the character of Olga is revealed to have terminal brain-cancer which serves to both explain her crazy reckless over-sexed behaviour while at the same time suggesting – in true Protestant Dutch fashion – that she is punished with death for being such a wayward oversexed female. No one cares about a crazy girl being sexually exploited and certainly no one cares about a crazy girl dying for/because of having sex. Especially in a Protestant society that condemns but is still immensely fascinated with crazy girls and especially crazy girls that have lots of crazy sex. Worst of all are the movies where her death is depicted as some kind of sexual ersatz-catharsis.

I also suspect that the Sexy Tragic Muse is basically a de-racialized whiteman’s variation on the Tragic Mulatto film-trope, or maybe the Tragic Mulatto is just a racialized version of the same trope. The racist notion of bad blood, or the idea that someone has inherited racially tained blood and has hence inherited their bad or unrully character because of a black ancestor, is replaced here with the idea of someone having bad genes and being inherently predisposed to be crazy and over-sexed. Inevitably the character predisposed to be over-sexed is female. On the other hand, men themselves being oversexed is blamed on their “nature” which in the case of men is presented as something other than genetics or “bad blood”.

As for the Sexy Tragic Muse being, quote, “damaged, often as a result of sexual assault or other abuse by men”, in one of his Facebook posts Alexander suggested he had shot a music video of Mary that to me rather sounds more like the descripton of a porn film than a music video (not having seen the music video in question I cannot be sure of course):

Λίγες μέρες μετά γυρίσαμε και ενα βίντεοκλιπ στο οποίο δεν ακουγόταν όμως η μουσική (χαχα) άλλα βλέπαμε τη Μαίρη να την χαϊδεύουν ενα μάτσο γυμνά αγόρια (οι φίλοι μας).

So let’s put all the pieces of the puzzle together now: Mary Tsoni was in a band with Alexander, a man who had already lost a friend to suicide and who apparently did nothing to steer his new female friend away from self-destructive behaviour despite being aware of her drug abuse. Many of the Mary and the Boy songs have explicitly dark themes – I don’t obviously don’t know who wrote what but I suspect a lot of it was Alex urging Mary to write such lyrics or writing them himself and making her sing them. This suggests that Alexander was encouraging his self-destructive drug-addicted friend to explore dark themes that might trigger anxiety and phobias in a drug user, effectively pushing her further into the abyss of self-destruction. I don’t have a problem with women singing about suicide or other dark themes, since I firmly believe as a radical feminist that the destructive sexist patriarchy is meant to drive women crazy and eventually suicidal – I myself have a song about suicide on my last album – but I do have a problem with a man like Alex, who had presumably already pushed a suicidal friend over the edge by “jokingly” comparing her to Kurt Cobain, now appearing to, well, go looking for more of the same in his artistic and personal relationship to Mary Tsoni. I am sure Alex will say he was only being joking when he compared Mary Tsoni to Nico from the Velvet Underground on his Facebook wall, referring to her as “μια Νίκο του Κεραμεικού“. Alexander did not use his Kurt Cobain’s friend’s suicide as an opportunity to become a better more grounded person himself but appeared to merely want to replace the one self-destructive friend with a new one, while appearing to push the new friend to be even more self-destructive than the previous one. You could say that in the first instance with the Kurt Cobain friend, Alex was just a teenager himself and simply didn’t know how to deal with a suicidal friend at such a young age. You could say that impressionable young Alex was himself a victim of American cultural imperialism glamourizing the idea of a rocknroll suicide through mindless drug abuse and that having been completely brainwashed by the mainstream cultural industries promoting the self-destructive American rocknroll lifestyle, young Alexander simply did not know better than that rocknroll people were drugged up and fucked up on their way down into the abyss. Granted, that Alexander was himself young and impressionable the first time a close friend died on him is a somewhat valid excuse. But it becomes an unacceptable excuse when the same fucking thing happens again with another female friend that Alex appears to have pushed further and further into dark song themes rather than away from the kinds of themes that he knew would trigger self-harm with his friend entering a vicious circle where her drug-addiction is making her feel worse, which makes her phobias worse, which makes her to take more drugs to cope with her anxiety thus creating a downward spiral.

I am sure that Alex will deny everything I just theorized about and would instead pull a “James Deen” and insist that it was Mary Tsoni herself who begged him to take things further, even further than he himself wanted to. I am sure Alex will protest that Mary was the one who wanted to get into the dark themes that were brought up in Mary and the Boy songs and that he merely provided her with musical backup on the piano. You will recall that this was James Deen’s favourite excuse about S&M too. When James Deen was on the verge of being exposed as a serial abuse, his defense was to insist that female dominatrixes were more sadistic than he himself ever was (a totally invalid argument that has been completely debunked by us radical feminists – the sadistic domina is merely another patriarchal stereotype because men themselves like to fantasize about women having violent revenge on men, thus creating a female caricature in their own self-image). We have to remember here that under the patriarchy men always blame women for what men do to women. Men make movies where they tell women that they are sexy when they are a bit crazy. But when things get out of hand and someone actually dies, men blame women for being too crazy and hurting themselves. Men never stop to have a look at themselves and blame themselves for having brought up the worst in women by subjecting them to endless patriarchal brainwashing from the moment they were born. As a radical feminist myself I firmly believe it is impossible for women to be truly together and self-actualized individuals under a patriarchal hegemony that continuously reminds women they are less than, weaker than, dumber than, worth less than yet almost wholy dependent on men for their financial well-being and physical survivial. Any person growing up in such a toxic an environment designed to keep them down & remind them of their powerlessness in every imaginable way would go crazy eventually. If women are crazy it is because the sexist patriarchy is crazy making. You cannot expect anyone to be sane when they’ve been told every day of their lives that they are nothing more than disposable trash to the ones who really run this system, which under the patriarchy is men.

So we have to ask, what IF ANYTHING did Alexander ever do to prevent his old band mate from self-destructing on drugs? Did he ever check in on her to see how she was doing after they had already broken up the band? Alexander’s own comments on Facebook suggest otherwise:

Το υλικό του Praying for your Sins αποτυπώνει την καλύτερη περίοδο του συγκροτήματος.Τότε που ξυπνούσαμε και κοιμόμασταν παρέα.

Βλέπαμε ταινίες,ακούγαμε μουσικές και κρατούσαμε σημειώσεις με στίχους και φράσεις.

Εξελισσόμασταν μαζί σε κάτι που μας ήταν καινούργιο. Με το που ολοκληρώσαμε τις ηχογραφήσεις λίγο μετά τελείωσε και η συγκατοίκηση.

Απο εκεί και μετά το συγκρότημα συνεχίστηκε για άλλα 4 χρόνια όμως η όποια πρόοδος και εξέλιξη θα γίνοτανε πια στον καθένα ξεχώριστα και ποτέ μαζί.

I really have a hard time seeing someone dying at 30 as an εξέλιξη, much less as πρόοδος. So I wonder, did Alexander, having already had a self-destructive friend die on him once due to suicide, did he notice things were wrong with Mary, and did he ignore what he was seeing? Did he ever encourage his old band-mate to go into rehab? (Yes, I can hear you Athenian hipsters laugh at this question, and it’s exactly because you people laugh at someone asking this that she’s dead.) Did he offer to help her get her life back on track, either emotionally or financially? According to public documents in my possession the estimated total cost of Alexander’s film The Thread was about a quarter million euros to be receive from various public funding bodies in Greece. Did Alexander ever consider using a small portion of that money to get his old band-member into a program or to get her to see a shrink about her depression, anxiety and phobias? Alex must’ve heard the rumours of Mary being depressed, he must’ve read the stories online about Mary  literally passing out in the streets of Athens, he must´ve read the live music review which described Mary passing out after a Joalz concert. Had Alex ever seen her like that himself? Did he look away? Did he walk away? Did he ever offer a shoulder, a willing ear to his depressed former band-member? Did Alex ever reach out? Did he ever care to look at what he had left behind after he had broken up Mary and the Boy?

As a radical feminist I know that men use women, use them up and suck them dry, and then discard them when they are done and never look back at the human ruins they’ve left behind. And when that discarded woman kills herself, deliberately or accidentally as appeared to be the case here (though we must ask, why didn’t the damn paramedics immediately respond to her cries for help? Because that’s Greece during the GermanoDutch financial bankster DICKtatorship where ambulances only show up after you’re already dead), men are always quick to mansplain the death, which was really death-by-patriarchy, in a way that absolves them of any responsibility for what happened, especially if it was due to something they knew about and could’ve prevented but didn’t. Men, with immensely more wealth and power than women, nevetheless pretend they can do nothing for the women closest to them to shield them from the patriarchy eating away at a woman’s dignity and sense of self every day. The fact is not that they can’t but that they won’t. Men are happy with the way things are, having all these women at their disposal to use and discard with little to no consequences for themseves.

It’s very hard for me to write this entry because eventhough I had never met Mary and never could listen to Mary and the Boy for long because of how much I despise Alex and all he stands for, I respected Mary as a singer and as a performer. She was surely one of the most beautiful women I had ever seen with a very Greek severity that was completely lost when Lanthimos casted her as the little sister in Dogtooth (but then again the cinema is just another patriarchal vehicle in Greece, where men have to use movies to castrate women’s true beauty, either infantilizing them or otherwise compromising them cinematically). Mary was even once compared to Diamanda Galas in the way she sang:

Και φυσικά το Bobby Peru ένα κομμάτι που μιλάει για το σεξ με έναν περίεργο κυνισμό, χωρίς όμως να ξεφεύγει από τα κλισέ που βαραίνουν τέτοιους είδους τραγούδια, αλλά με τη Mary να δίνει ρεσιτάλ ερμηνείας και να θυμίζει κάτι από Diamanda Galás δημιουργώντας την εντύπωση πως τα ελληνικά σύνορα απλά περιορίζουν μια performer του δικού της βεληνεκούς. (source)

Having been bestowed that unworthy comparison myself I will now admit I sometimes wondered what our voices would sound like together since we had both been compared to Diamanda as “screamo” singers. I had read that Mary was a blues fan and into BB King like I am, and having heard some of her more blues-oriented music with her new band Joolz, I imagined us picking a blues song to cover together with me playing the guitar and singing backing vocals. That simple dream of mine has been killed along with Mary, and it was killed by sexist patriarchy encouraging women to think that being disturbed, being crazy, abusing drugs to dull the pain and being suidical is how you get noticed by men as a Tragic Sexy Muse or as a Manic Pixie Dream Girl, categories and stereotypes invented and propagandized by men, when actually all of this is how you get fucked over by the patriarchy which awards and finances men like Alexander Voulgaris for doing the very things it routinely demonizes, condemns, rejects and even criminalizes women over. I am sad that Mary is dead but on the other hand I am glad she no longer has to experience this fucked up reality we live in where women are hated and actively suppressed just for being women. Being a woman under the patriarchy hurts, and for some women trying to maintain your sanity under a hegemony that actively hates you is crazy-making and oftentimes fatal.

Promo picture of actresses Geraldine Chaplin en Ana Torrent from the 1976 Spanish anti-fascist heritage film Cría Cuervos by Carlos Saura: “The film is an allegorical drama about an eight-year-old girl dealing with loss. (…) Ana takes refuge in the basement, where she keeps her ‘lethal’ powder, and where she is watched by an apparition of herself from twenty years in the future. The adult Ana, looking exactly as her mother, recounts her infancy: ‘I don’t believe in childhood paradise, or in innocence, or the natural goodness of children. I remember my childhood as a long period of time, interminable, sad, full of fear, fear of the unknown’. (…) Ana’s mother’s painful death from cancer; her father’s presumed murder, her guinea pig’s death and her own imagined suicide weigh on the girl’s mind. Ana even offers her grandmother, ill and using a wheelchair, the opportunity of dying and ridding herself from loneliness by providing her a spoonful of her poison. The old woman turns down Ana’s offer as the old woman realizes that the powder is simply baking soda.” (Listen man, μόνο στο τρελομυαλο σου γίνεται η πρέζα σόδα. Στο τρελομυαλο το δικό σου και άλλων κινηματογραφιστών. Μόνο αυτοί που φταίνε και το ξέρουν είναι γεμάτοι τύψεις.)

Resources:

On female self-destruction:

About the book, “Live Through This: On Creativity and Self-Destruction”

In a collection of original stories, essays, artwork, and photography, Nan Goldin, Eileen Myles, bell hooks, and other cutting-edge artists explore their use of art to survive madness, abuse, incest, depression, and the impulse toward self-destruction manifest in eating disorders, cutting, addiction, and contemplation of suicide. The book confronts the brutality many women and girls encounter in the world around them, and bravely takes as its subject the often misunderstood violence they at times inflict upon themselves.

The diverse array of contributors here—novelists, poets, cartoonists, dancers, photographers, playwrights, burlesque performers—traverse the pains and passions that can both motivate and destroy women artists and mark a path for survival. Together they show that creative women are not destined to the fate of lost visionaries such as Woolf, Sexton, Arbus, and Plath. Live Through This is a fearless exploration of women’s silent rage, the power that can come from internal struggle, and the possibility of transforming this burning force into fierce and enlightened work.

Live Through This Youtube video interviews with authors who contributed to the book:

https://www.youtube.com/user/theawesomestusername/videos

Sabina Chap – On Creativity and Self Destruction on TruthBrigade Radio, interview

09-11-2013 Creativity Trauma & Self Destruction – Sabrina Chap, interview

News articles consulted:

“Οι Mary and the Boy ήταν ένα συγκρότημα φτιαγμένο για να καεί. Αυτό που σκέφτομαι τώρα είναι ότι η πρώτη περίοδος με το demo ήταν η μοναδική καλή φάση μας, μέναμε μαζί, ήμασταν φίλοι. Μετά απ’ αυτό μπορεί να γίναμε καλύτεροι, ο καθένας μόνος του σε αυτό που κάνει συγκεκριμένα, αλλά δεν ήταν πια το ίδιο. Υπήρχε τόσο έντονη αντίδραση για μας απ’ τον κόσμο -θετική ή αρνητική- και η Mary κι εγώ είμαστε άτομα που δεν αντέχουμε την αποδοχή ή την απόρριψη. Μας βγήκε πολύ έντονη βία απέναντι σε όλους, νομίζω ότι θέλαμε να τρομάξουμε τον κόσμο, και αυτούς που τους άρεσε και αυτούς που δεν τους άρεσε. Ήταν μεγάλο κεφάλαιο για μένα, αλλά ίσως έπρεπε να είχε τελειώσει και πιο νωρίς”.

http://serotonine1.blogspot.gr/2014/07/the-boy.html

http://www.iefimerida.gr/news/337191/i-zoi-en-tafo-tis-mairis-tsoni#axzz4h9CG2C99

I want to highlight the following heartfelt comment posted underneath the above article:

Sotiris Kremos • μία μέρα πριν
Η Μαίρη Τσώνη δεν ζει πιά. Θυμώνω καθημερινά με όλους αυτούς τους επώνυμους, που από την ώρα που ανακοινώθηκε ο θάνατός της, βρήκαν τον τρόπο να έρθουν οι μούρες τους στη δημοσιότητα προβαίνοντας σε δηλώσεις γι αυτήν.

Ότι τάχα την αγαπούσαν, το πόσο ταλαντούχα ήτανε και διάφορα άλλα.

Το μόνο που θέλω να γράψω εδώ, είναι ότι όλι αυτοί, κάποτε ίσως να γνώρισαν το παιδί αυτό και το κάποτε ήτανε όταν έπαιξε στον Κυνόδοντα.

Ιδέα δεν είχαν το τι πέρναγε και το πως ζούσε. Και φυσικά καμία διάθεση δεν είχε κανείς τους να την βοηθήσει σε ότι και αν πέρναγε, σε έναν χώρο τόσο σκληρό, που όσο ταλέντο και αν έχεις μπορεί και να βρεθείς εκτός, γιατί δεν ανήκεις σε κάποια κλίκα.

Παρακαλώ λοιπόν, όλους αυτούς που συνεχίζουν και καπηλεύονται τον θανατό της, όποιοι και εάν είναι, είτε ηθιοποιοί, είτε έντυπα, είτε ηλεκτρονικές σελίδες, είτε κριτικοί κινηματογράφου, να την παρατήσουν ήσυχοι και να βγάλουν τον σκασμό.

Λυπάμαι γιατί κανείς από όλους αυτούς που μέρες τώρα δηλώνουν και γράφουν γι αυτήν, δεν την είχε δει ούτε της είχε μιλήσει τα τελευταία 7 χρόνια.
Να ναι ελαφρύ το χώμα που σε σκεπάζει.

http://www.newsbomb.gr/ellada/news/story/791432/mairi-tsoni-thriler-me-ta-aitia-thanatoy-tis-ithopoioy-poia-einai-ta-nea-stoixeia#ixzz4h9EZM8DU

http://www.enikos.gr/society/514469/afto-einai-to-spiti-opou-vrethike-nekri-i-mairi-tsoni-photo

http://www.fthis.gr/celebrity/news/mairh-tswnh-oi-prwtes-fwtografies-apo-thn-khdeia-ths

2013-2014 Facebook entries by Alexander Voulgaris referred to in this article:

1) 28 oktober 2013 LOU THREAD…. (no link, BU here)

2) https://www.facebook.com/boy.voulgaris/posts/10152700920420299?stream_ref=10 (BU here)

3) https://www.facebook.com/boy.voulgaris/posts/10152689218795299?stream_ref=10 (BU here)

4) 5 april 2014, no link, BU here

Alex also posted this, claiming it was “με διαφορά η πιο αστεία στιγμή στην ιστορία του συγκροτήματος.χαχα.”… did you know of all people vegan animal rights fanatic Moby was a Mary and the Boy fan?! I always wondered whether Moby’s grand animal rights propaganda plan to make vegan porn movies in association with PETA was the direct result of listening to Mary and the Boy ->

αλεξανδρος βουλγαρης

με διαφορά η πιο αστεία στιγμή στην ιστορία του συγκροτήματος.χαχα.

O Moby ακούει Mary And The Boy | Electronica | gr8 Free Press | Internet Radio
http://www.gr8media.gr
Το νέο του άλμπουμ ετοιμάζει ο Μοby
http://www.gr8media.gr/…/o-moby-akoyei-mary-and-the-boy…

NOTE: link now defunct, the same item was covered here as well –>
https://www.musiccorner.gr/%CF%84%CE%B9-%CE%B1%CE%BA%CE%BF%CF%8D%CE%B5%CE%B9-%CE%BF-moby-%CE%B3%CE%B9%CE%B1-%CE%BD%CE%B1-%CE%B5%CE%BC%CF%80%CE%BD%CE%B5%CF%85%CF%83%CF%84%CE%B5%CE%AF-12905/