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I was debating someone who lectured me that “Lanthimos isn’t a commercial filmmaker”… yeah, that’s why his next film is gonna be a British court costume drama with Kate Winslet… or was it Rachel Weisz? 😉 Greeks are seriously out of the loop in my experience. They think art house films aren’t commercial films, which is ridiculous because according to the latest No Filmschool podcast on the topic of American indie film distribution, the Yankee indie film industry is doing better than ever before,  with 90% of filmmakers at SXSW having a distribution deal as opposed to only 30% from just 5 years ago. It should be abundantly obvious that Lanthimos has always been oriented towards a commercial film career and that he wants to make big expensive films with famous actresses and elbatorate costumes, and iconic castle-sized locations and all that royal classist elitist feudalist bullshit. Lanthimos, he clearly wants to make the next Elizabeth. And that, ladies and gentlemen, is called a commercial filmmaker because costume dramas are expensive films, not the cheapass Dogma 1995-esque chamber pieces that Lanthimos became famous with. Those were bourne out of desperate necessity. Now that Lanthimos has tasted success and is allowed to dream freely, his dreams plainly show what his private fascinations are made of: the courtly megalomania and royal melodrama of princes and princesses. That’s who your beloved “radical” indie filmmaker really is in heart of hearts, boys and girls in filmschool: een hermelijn-aanbidder*.


Queen Anne posing with an ermine edged royal cape.

* Pejorative term used to describe the Dutch royalists by Dutch republicans who, inspired by the 1775 American Revolutionary War of Independence against the British, wanted to abolish the Dutch royalty. This term is still used to this day to describe people who have a fetishistic fascination with the Dutch royal house. Ermine fur is the type of fur used to decorate royal capes and robes — but you never hear a squeak from vegans and animal rights vegans about royalties having massive amounts of ermines culled just for them to wear such silly things, geez, I wonder why that is. By describing the royalists as “worshippers of the ermine”, the Dutch republicans alluded to the fact that the royalists were expressing and demanding loyalty to an indifferent court whose members were only using the royalists for the sake of promoting the court’s populist appeal, and would eventually skin them alive and use them up like ermines on a fur collar once they were done with them. There is a Dutch connection to the film that Lanthimos is going to shoot too because Anne’s Dutch Protestant brother-in-law and cousin was William the 3rd, Prince of Orange. “King Billy” is the man who implemented and cemented the concept of divide-and-conquer in British politics by creating a two-party Parliament with Whigs and Tories bickering amongst themselves to protect his own Protestant oikogeniocracy from being abolished by Catholics. It is important here to recall that in Western Europe Catholicism was mainly the religion of the poor masses, whereas the new Xian branch of Protestantism was the religion of the propertied middle class. Anne was Anglican, an English branch of Protestantism and was politically a Torie.  However, the character of “King Billy” would explain why the Dutch Film Fund has developed such an other inexplainable interest in Lanthimos, a Greek filmmaker with no Dutch connection whatsoever. The alleged lesbian relationship between Queen Anne and Baroness Abigail would also greatly arouse Dutch sentiments; why else would the Dutch take an interest in a movie about a British royal woman who even on Wikipedia is described as “very ignorant, very fearful, with very little judgement, it is easy to be seen she might mean well, being surrounded with so many artful people, who at last compassed their designs to her dishonour”, and as “fat, constantly pregnant, under the influence of favourites, and lacking political astuteness”? There is literally no reason for the Dutch to take an interest in such a costume drama of a biopic other than the fact that a powerful Dutch royal was involved in this woman’s autobiography, as well as the prospect of hot lesbian scenes between Olivia Colman and Emma Stone. Who wouldn’t pay to watch ignorant women get fucked and give birth to dead children 17 times for the duration of a two hour movie? I am expressing myself in such pedestrial terms only to stress and underline how fundamentally unpalatable this usage of women as “the original 3D printers” of heirs by the royal houses of Western Europe must appear to the contemporary democratic republican cinephile for whom such a usage of womankind is surely repugnant. This paradoxical combination of disgust and fascination no doubt explains the sheer popularity of costume dramas about the lives of royalty. Who doesn’t want to witness the cinematic spectacle a female royal member in the 18th century semper eadem giving birth to yet another corpse of a stillborn like semper eadem a fattened cow at a barn? If this movie ever comes out, feminist film criticsm will be all over it. As for this scene from the Queen Anne biography:

“On Maundy Thursday 6 April 1710, Anne and Sarah saw each other for the last time. According to Sarah, the Queen was taciturn and formal, repeating the same phrases—”Whatever you have to say you may put in writing” and “You said you desired no answer, and I shall give you none”—over and over”,_Queen_of_Great_Britain

Something tells me that Lanthimos might even fancy himself a Martin Scorsese and might even be planning to appropriate the famous scene from Age of Innocence! Basically, take the following scene, replace Valmont with Queen Anne, replace every utterance of “It’s beyond my control” with “Whatever you have to say you may put in writing”, and you basically have yourself a wonderful pitch for The Favourite! 😀

BTW, can John Malkovich do a Dutch accent for King Bill or he still too pricy and beyond Lanthimos’ budget? 😀


One Trackback/Pingback

  1. […] Here is Alexander complaining about his FOG friend Yorgos Lanthimos bugging out of Greece in search of greener pastures in Hollywood (yeah, OK, so he didn’t actually move to Hollywood, SFW, everyone knows the reason he stayed in London is to make that film about Queen Anne): […]

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