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The following part of this blog entry is pure fiction and bears no relation to existing people or events.

απορρίμματ(IK)α
by drs. Efthimia Dilpizoglou
(c) 2014 all rights reserved

The girl talks non-stop. The way το Γρύλισμα does whenever you forget to go to bed early, turning into a pyromaniac who sets your brain on fire with matches like it’s a wet sock soaked in petrol. This girl doesn’t want to be an S&M performer, she wants to be a serious stage actress undergoing an endurance test. Το σώμα της ανταποκρινόταν, αλλά αντλούσε την ικανοποίηση που παίρνεις όταν επιστρέφεις βιβλία στην βιβλιοθήκη. You can tell from the types of questions she is asking, which are bursting out of her like a geiser. Another one of those art school art sluts who isn’t a slut but tries so hard to be one. What a pain in the ass. Not in the nuts because you have none, το Γρύλισμα is the nutcracker from the Balanchine ballet who cracked yours a long time ago, that being one of the reasons you went crackers and stayed that way. You told her you wanted her to act like the girl in your legendary pink movie,  or was that your blue movie? She did her homework and downloaded the torrent you put online for people to download and studied it carefully like a good little stage actress of a theater student. Her performance of the little girl was uncanny, but you never expected this barrage of questions to follow. She wants to talk about things like character development and discussing the relationships between the characters, all these things that give you the willies in absence of a real willie.

“Why is he so extreme about pedophilia? Is it because of a personal inadequacy? Was he just a very horny kid himself, did he want to fuck adults, and was he always very disappointed that adults didn’t want to fuck him? Does he feel sexually invalidated because of that experience, adults turning down his advances? Does he trace his body dysmorphic disorder back to those experiences of being sexually turned down as a child? Is this extreme pedophilia-advocacy his way of saying: “Fuck child-abuse, I sincerely desperately wanted to get fucked at that age and none of you would fuck me, you made me feel ugly and disgusted with myself over how I felt, none of you ever even looked my way, I ended up hating my own body and covering up my body so as not to be seen.”? Does he trace his inferiority complex back to not getting fucked as a child despite wanting to? Does he want to use his movies to validate other children who felt the same way he did growing up, and is this the reason he is willing to risk his career and his own sanity even to make such movies? Did he ever have a frank discussion with her? I wanted your character to kiss mine at the end, but society wouldn’t let me so I didn’t stage the kiss. Would you be angry with me if I did? Would you have let me?”

The questions kept coming and coming and she wasn’t cuming. “Κάτι δεν πάει καλά εδώ.”, you say, trying to hide your exasperation behind a wall of impecable professionalism. She protests. She says she was willing to do scenes without the safeword just for you. That’s how much she wanted to work with you. How did you end up with this girl on your set again again? She was extremely youthful. The only reason. These girls go into theatre school and emerge 10 years older than they really are. Such a waste. You once took in a smack junkie who was cruising bars and after you had your way with her she emerged as a seasoned arthouse actress. No one needs to go to theater school to learn how to act. All it does is turn girls into pretentious little whores who aren’t even real whores.

You give her the stare, the kind of look that makes girls unravel before you, but she has been to theatre school and is used to hard stares, so she is unaffected.

“Τι σε φοβίζει πραγματικά;”, you ask her.

“H εγκυμοσύνη.”, she says. “Φοβάμαι το σπέρμα. Πάντα φοβόμουνα την ζωή την ίδια. Life was supposed to be fun. Birth is not an option. Giving birth to a blind and hairy little child… This is not how i was supposed to be.”

That was it. The danger-word, σπέρμα. Το Γρύλισμα bursts out of your stomach like a cannonball flying right through you and crawls inside her. Puffs her up. There is no time for either one of you to panic or get terrified, you might as well have taken a shovel to her back and smashed her lower spine in the spot under the spotlights your friend has set up for you. As she swells up within seconds she collapses under her weight, her legs giving away underneath her. “Τι τρέχει;”, you ask innocently, “Weren’t you the girl who likes Glee? Did you watch the episode where Brittany is giving birth singing Bohemian Rapsody? You’ll be singing like that just shortly my dear.”. Her face contorted, the longer you stare at her face the further and further you disappear into the depths of your own belljar. Sounds become ever more distant until you hear nothing but your inner voice screaming inside of you like a drill-sargeant: “OUTOUTOUT”, but το Γρύλισμα is not responding. It is just not coming out. Did it suffocate and die inside this girl? Oh, let it be true. You point to a mirror to the right of the girl, she is not looking but you tell her, “I wanted you to look more like this during the shoot. When something is inside you, you have it within you. Εξίσου σημαντικό το τι έχει μέσα του ήδη ο καθένας.”. The girl levitates from the floor, you can’t even see her body anymore, all you see is a giant flesh-coloured ballon filling up the room. Shortly you’ll be able tie a basket underneath her and fly away from this hellhole. Girls have always been your favourite means of escape.

A hand emerges from her mouth, then another, many more follow. “I just wanted my baby to be pretty. Turned out to be a monster with no eyes but lots of hands.”. It is such a disappointment. Not that you mind seeing your actress inflated and deflated, torn apart and looking 50 years older within seconds. For a moment you were sure το Γρύλισμα was gone inside her, that the monkey on your back was gone for good. No such luck for you, but hey, were you ever that lucky? “Μάλλον δεν θα μαι και στα καλύτερα μου, το οποίο όταν μιλάμε για μένα είναι λίγο πιο αστείο απ’ ότι συνήθως γιατί ποτέ δεν με θυμάμαι καλά.”, you concede.

The girl looks up at you with her ancient face. “Σου φαίνεται τόσο παράξενο ότι αρκετές γυναίκες απλά δεν θέλουν οικογενεια η παιδιά και απλώς εκβιάζονται συναισθηματικα η οικονομικά από την κοινωνία να μπλεχτούν σε οικογενειακες καταστάσεις; Κι’ ότι εάν ειχαν την άνεση, ούτε οικογενεια, ούτε παιδιά θα έκαναν;”

A set of rhetorical questions that fortunately require no answer from you.

-Κορίτσι, γιατί φοράς ακόμα την μάσκα; Τελειώσαμε το γύρισμα για σήμερα.
-Για να μη βλέπεις το γέρικο πρόσωπο μου, σκηνοθέτη σαδιστή.
Οι άντρες γαμάνε τις γυναίκες για να βιάζουν μετά τις κόρες τους.

References:

The Pink Movie. “A porn director try to make his rekviem,an absolute love film !!(xrated)”. http://www.geocities.ws/karacult-ldf/pink.htm

Ντανιελ Μπεργκνερ. Τι θέλουν οι γυναίκες; Περιπέτειες στην επιστήμη της γυναικείας επιθυμίας.

My Life: Isadora Duncan (The autobiography of Isadora Duncan. 1927.)

Various song lyrics and Facebook entries by The Boy.

το Γρύλισμα appears courtesy of ΜΟΥΣΙΚΟ ΚΙΝΗΜΑ: (ΜΑΥΡΕΣ) ΤΡΙΧΕΣ.

Note:

απορρίμματ(IK)α is Efthimianese for “Am I trash?”

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